Read below for the outline of the deescalation process outlined in today’s video.
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Here is an outline of the process described in today’s video.
Notice you’re triggered. Even say to yourself “I’m triggered,” or “I’m angry/anxious/upset.” On a scale of 1-10, how triggered are you?
Feelings. Identify your feelings (you can use the feelings wheel)
Mindfulness. Notice how automatic thoughts, feelings, somatic sensations, and possibly even behaviors are occurring. Write them down, i.e.:
Thoughts: “I’m unlovable”
Feelings: Fear, anxiety
Sensations: heaviness in heart and fluttering in chest and arms
Behavior: I’m texting quick questioning responses and demanding clarification
Meditation. Pick one or two sensations/feelings and practice sitting with discomfort for 5 minutes minimum (set a timer.) Explore how it feels in your body. Notice the shape, size, placement of discomfort. Use the meditations Expand, or Accept. Practice active self-compassion - soften, soothe, allow using the Mindful Self-Compassion website or the Let Go meditation.
Needs. Ask what your body and nervous system needs in this moment - water, food, breathing, lying down, journaling, going for a walk, or perhaps the meditation was enough. Do you have any other deeper needs at the moment? Acceptance, understanding, etc. Check out the Needs Inventory by CNVC if you’re having trouble identifying your needs. Can you give that to yourself? Take however long you need before moving to the next step..
Values. Review a list of values to identify what your values are in this area of your life. Brainstorm - write down all values that light up for you.
Pick 2-3 values you would like to act from, i.e. curiosity, consideration, and generosity. Identify and brainstorm new values-based behaviors you could do that would reflect these values, i.e. ask questions instead of making an accusation.
On a scale of 1-10: How triggered are you now? If still high on the scale, ask yourself if you need to revisit any steps.
Thank you Dr. Ron Campbell PsyD, ThD. , scott murphy, Liora Farkovitz, and many others for tuning into my live video! Join me for my next live video Thursday.
