What If Sensitivity Isn’t a Weakness… But a Superpower in Disguise?
If You’ve Ever Been Called ‘Too Much,’ or "Too Sensitive," Read This
Reflection Prompts at the end!
If you are reading this post, you might know yourself to be a sensitive person, or maybe you’re curious because, more than once, you’ve been called “too sensitive.” If being sensitive or sensitive-curious rings true for you, you’re not alone - although others may have made you feel alone in it at times.
High sensitivity is actually a trait that has been researched by psychologists, and like any other quality or trait - has both shadow and light attributes. Our modern world is designed in a way that dulls and deadens sensitivity through “pushing through” and shaming people for being sensitive, but like with any other perceived weakness, the key to resilience is owning our “flaw.” If this trait has been pushed into the shadows for you, I hope this post and some other posts at The Well can help you begin to reclaim your version of soft and sensitive sovereignty.
One metaphor I’ve heard used for HSPs is that they are like orchids while non-HSPs are like daisies. Orchids require certain conditions to thrive, but when those conditions are present, they display an astounding and robust beauty. Daisies, on the other hand, will sprout anywhere and everywhere. They aren’t particularly choosy - but they don’t have the unique beauty and cult following orchids have.
Biologists have found the high sensitivity trait in over 100 species, including birds, fish, dogs, cats, and horses. This trait is proposed to reflect a type of survival strategy that involves being observant rather than jumping into action.
It took me personally many years to fully own (I’m still working on it) my sensitivity as a strength and super power. Even though I’m much more comfortable owning, I am sometimes still met with negative feedback from the world. I know now how to let it slide off me like water off a duck’s back instead of internalizing it as I did when I was younger. I now trust that the right people for me won’t have a problem with my sensitivity. I know now that it’s okay to not be everybody’s cup of tea.
So…What Exactly is a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)?
A highly sensitive person is a someone who has increased nervous system responsiveness to acute physical, mental, social, or emotional stimuli. The term “highly sensitive person” was coined by psychologists Elaine Aron and Arthur Aron in the mid-1990s. If you’re not sure if you’re an HSP, you can take the online HSP quiz Are you highly sensitive? , and keep reading below to learn more.
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) may have shame or negative feelings about their sensitivity if they grew up in environments where they were called “too sensitive.” In environments like America where sensitivity isn’t valued, sensitivity can be viewed as something that decreases resilience and increases vulnerability, because HSPs who experience difficulty in childhood in childhood are more depressed, anxious, and shy as adults compared to non-HSPs. However, the truth is that HSPs are simply more porous than others. Therefore, if they had a difficult childhood environment, they may be more prone to anxiety and depression than non-HSPs, but if they had a good enough childhood, they can function better than non-HSPs. Furthermore, HSPs are able to respond more when they receive the help they need, which actually makes them more resilient and able to overcome difficulties.
HSPs tend to hit overload sooner than others because they are conscientious, intuitive, aware of others moods, eager to think deeply about what’s going on. As a result they may try to avoid conflict or other things that may overwhelm them. It’s important HSPs learn not to ignore conflict or this tendency towards overwhelm or an HSP will start to build resentment and negative feelings (which affect them deeply.)
If you are an HSP, it is important to learn about what this means about you and what you need to be happy. It can be feel like a relief to be able to name your unique needs to yourself and is helpful to learn to communicate and ask for these needs at work and in relationships.
4 Main Research-based traits of a Highly Sensitive Person:
D - Depth of processing: HSPs are more detailed and deep in their perceptual thinking (they can often process more quickly but prefer more time. The downside is this can lead to overthinking and rumination)
O - Easily overstimulated
E - Emotionally responsive and Empathic
S - Sensitive to subtle stimuli, including being more sensitive to environments and more aware of danger and gain more from what is useful to them
✧ Some Signs You Might Be Highly Sensitive
If you…
Feel everything — in your body, your heart, and the room
Need quiet or alone time to regulate
Get overwhelmed by conflict or relationship distress
Can sense others’ feelings without them saying a word
Are stressed by transitions
Instinctively avoid violent media because it feels intense and leaves you unsettled
Are Deeply moved by beauty, expressed in art, nature, the human spirit, or anything else
Are overwhelmed by sensory stimuli like crowds, noises, bright lights, foods, substances, or uncomfortable clothing
Have a high need for downtime
Are prone to self-criticism
Have a rich inner life with deep thoughts and strong feelings
Feel more pressure and sensitivity to other’s expectations of you
Find surprises, distractions, and disruptions overwhelming
Tend to be conscientious and thoughtful about everything, but particularly social issues, threats to the environment or animals, and the like
Are aware of unconscious parts of yourself and others, potentially enhanced by vivid dreams and connection to body sensations
...you’re not broken. You’re just an HSP. These are some common challenges HSPs face.
Sensitivity isn’t a flaw — it’s a form of intelligence, and a superpower. But without boundaries and a resonant environment, it can feel like a burden.
More Interesting Facts About Being Highly Sensitive:
Being highly sensitive is relatively normal. The trait of high sensitivity is found in 15-20% of the population.
High sensitivity is a research-based characteristic, sometimes also known as Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS). A person with high SPS has differences on a neural level. They can be considered neurodivergent.
The trait is innate and genetic.
Biologists have found the high sensitivity trait in over 100 species, including birds, fish, dogs, cats, and horses. This trait is proposed to reflect a type of survival strategy that involves being observant rather than jumping into action. Learn more about this research on the HSP website.
HSPs are more aware than others of subtleties and nuances in behavior and environment because of the ability to notice and process information deeply.
HSPs are easily overwhelmed or overstimulated when things are complicated, chaotic, or new.
HSPs are sometimes mistaken for being “shy,” but shyness is not a trait like high sensitivity. About 30% of HSPs are extroverts.
HSPs often have more difficulty with transitions and may experience more grief and deep emotion than a non-HSP.
Sensitivity is valued differently in different cultures. HSPs can have lower self-esteem in cultures where this trait is not valued or they are treated as being “too sensitive” or abnormal for their sensitivity.
Being an HSP is not a disorder or an inherent vulnerability.
HSPs in Relationships:
With about a fifth of the population being HSPs and more people having varying degrees of sensitivity, there is a 36% chance you’re relationship will be affected by this trait in some way.
If you yourself are highly sensitive, it’s helpful to know that you may have a tendency to get bored in relationships. HSPs need deep and meaningful connection and conversation to stay engaged. If they don’t get that, research shows that they can feel bored. The good news is that HSPs tend to overall have similar levels of relationship satisfaction to non-HSPs…even when bored!
One other thing HSPs bring to relationships is their mirror neurons. Not surprisingly, HSPs are highly empathic and can attune to and understand what other’s need and feel more easily than non-HSPs. They can also tend to dive into action mode in response to these perceptions, which can be good or can lead to overfunctioning, people-pleasing, or hyper-vigilance.
Being a sensitive person can be pretty cool, huh? However, if you’re reading this, you know all too well that it can also be hard, lonely, and even boring at times. Not to worry, The Well is here as a resource to help you feel heard, seen, and clear on what to do next. Below are a few suggestions and tools to help.
✧ Tools for HSPs:
Practice boundaries and saying “no”
Limit stressors (even if you think they shouldn’t be stressors)
Create protected “Safe Spaces”
Honor your feelings
Consciously add experiences you look forward to to your schedule
Cultivate self-awareness through therapy or other non-judgmental reflective spaces
Practice self-acceptance and trust
Practice expressing your truth
Learn Mindful Self-Compassion skills
Be adamant about maintaining nurturing environments and mentors
Focus on interacting with people who see and accept you for who you are
Learn about your window of tolerance and learn tools to regulate to stay within that optimal zone of nervous system arousal (somatic therapy is great for this)
Read below for a guided exercise and become a paid subscriber for more tools, tips, and tricks to make life as a HSP a little bit better.
Reflection Prompt
The below list can be helpful as a starting point in recognizing what you need to bring into your life to feel more joy and ease as an HSP. Using the existing list as a springboard, create your own list in your journal and add to it as you learn more about what you need. Reference this list when you’re feeling “off” and trying to figure out what will bring you into balance.
There are many great books, podcasts, and online resources that can help you add further detail to your list.
14 Things Highly Sensitive People Absolutely Need to Be Happy
1. A slower, simpler pace of life
2. Time to wind down after a busy day
3. A calm, quiet space to retreat to (think low lighting, little noise, a warm feeling, a beautiful look, and the HSP’s relaxation tools like a book, music, a comfy pillow, etc.).
4. Permission to get emotional and have a good cry
5. Time to adjust to change
6. Close, meaningful relationships
7. A gentle, healthy way of managing conflict
8. A good night’s sleep
9. Healthy meals, spaced regularly throughout the day
10. Caffeine-free and nonalcoholic options for energy maintenance
11. An outlet for creativity
12. A strong sense of purpose
13. Loved ones who understand and respect sensitivity
14. Natural surroundings and beauty
Though environments affect all of us, HSPs can be particularly attuned. As such spaces, work environments, and relationships that are harmonious rather than destructive are essential to HSPs. Environments with more greenery, curved edges and rounded contours, good light, and fresh air tend to boost mood and ease mental illness in HSPs.
✧ Comment below what you learned about yourself or others that was new!
✧ Sign up for paid posts to join a community of supportive like-minded souls; If you’re struggling and need therapeutic support, DM me and I’m happy to see if I can match you with an experienced clinician.
This post resonates so deeply with me as a sensitive person! I love how you reframe sensitivity as a superpower rather than a flaw - that orchid vs. daisy metaphor is brilliant and really captures how we need the right conditions to flourish, but when we do, there's something uniquely beautiful about it.
The part about learning to let negative feedback "slide off like water off a duck's back" really hit home. I'm still working on that too, but knowing that the right people won't have a problem with my sensitivity has been such a game-changer for my self-acceptance.
I especially appreciate the practical tools section - the emphasis on boundaries, creating safe spaces, and honoring our feelings feels so validating. And that list of 14 things HSPs need to be happy? Pure gold. The need for time to adjust to change and having loved ones who understand our sensitivity particularly stood out to me.
Thank you for creating this space where sensitivity is celebrated rather than something to apologize for. It's such a relief to feel seen and understood! 💙
Excellent post! I agree that being sensitive is often viewed as a negative, especially in the corporate environment. A few times at work I've reacted to some difficult situations in a way I believe was valid and understandable (and perhaps empathic), and instead I was perceived as "too sensitive" or "emotional."
But I've seen male coworkers get very angry at work, and they were treated differently. Their feelings were valued and their anger was tolerated and/or ignored.
This part of your essay stands out to me:
"Not surprisingly, HSPs are highly empathic and can attune to and understand what other’s need and feel more easily than non-HSPs. They can also tend to dive into action mode in response to these perceptions, which can be good or can lead to overfunctioning, people-pleasing, or hyper-vigilance."
The people-pleasing and hyper-vigilance are things I've strugged with all my life.
One thing you said surprised me-that the HSP trait is genetic and innate. I assumed mine was the result of growing up in an alcoholic, abusive home, in which I had to be on guard and sensitive to my mother's mood. Not doing this could have made things unsafe for me.